Monday, July 22, 2013

Good Enough

Being a girl is hard. 

I should know. I've been one for 32 years. 

I don't know why, but I have always felt this unspoken pressure to be good enough. To fit in. To be wanted enough to hang out with. Maybe it's normal? 

I don't really know for sure of course, what's going on internally with other girls (well, women. I guess I can call myself a woman, now), but I believe that my insecurities in the girl department are pretty widespread. 

It's a struggle to grow up.

And it starts so early. My heart aches for my little daughter, only 4 years old, and she's already feeling it - that same pressure to be good enough. Sometimes I watch her and her little friends play, and I just want to step in and remind them all to love each other, to value each other. To not be so concerned with whether or not others like you, and instead concern yourself with liking others. 

But I'm afraid that it doesn't work that way. Everybody has to figure it out for themselves. In fact, I'm still figuring it out. 

Oh, how I want to protect her! To keep her from feeling left out, singled out, pushed out. I had such a hard time with all of that growing up...and I don't want to watch Natalie go through the same stuff.

I can't. Quite simply - I can't. 

But you know what I can do? I can teach her two very important things.

1. She is special, and she is loved. It is so important for all of us to know, beyond any doubt, that we are, in fact, good enough

Tell them in a million different ways, speaking whatever love language they hear, that they are good enough. Remind them daily that they are special. Give them every reason to believe that they belong, and that they are wanted, and that they didn't get here by accident - they were meant to be here. 

Then, maybe she'll remember that when the world will try to tell her otherwise. Maybe she'll listen the truth when her heart wants to lie to her.

2.  And then...teach her to pass on that truth. Tell others that they are good enough. As much as I don't want to see her get beat up emotionally, I don't want to watch her do it to others. 

I read a book back when Natalie was a baby called The First 3 Years of Life, by Burton L. White. One of the things he said in that book that has stuck with me ever since is that it's important for us to teach our kids that they are incredibly special...but no more special than anyone else. 

They need to come to terms with the fact that they are not the center of the universe and that they have a responsibility to be careful with others. 

I love that - be careful with others. They can break. And it's really hard to put them back together when they do.

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  1. I came over from the comment you left on my blog (, and I love this post. Our daughter is 15 and had issues like this throughout school. We just kept repeating what was in line with God's word, her religious education classes, and speaking in her love language. We had to transfer schools, and at that point realized how much she had been hurting. This was this best change we made because she is a different kid now. She is an amazing young lady, and is involved in FFA to the max.

    1. I think this is a major issue, perhaps with boys too, but definitely with girls. It was hard growing up... it may be even harder to watch my daughter grow up - my prayer is that I can fill her with the right things (as it sounds like you have) so that she's able to face those tough situations. Thank you so much for dropping by!

  2. Hi Sarah! I am visiting from TGIF. Interesting that I should come here today...I just a reflection from a writer who said that she wrapped love around her to carry into the parts of her life that were hard. I think that's what you are saying...just love your daughter to bits! She'll store that up for the bad times and believe in herself because you believe in her.

    So lovely to meet you!

    1. I love that! Wrap them in love. That's beautiful :)


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